“Who’s on first?” — Abbott & Costello’s famous baseball sketch

Bud Abbott (1895-1974) and Lou Costello (1906-1959)—the comedy team known as Abbot & Costello—performed many versions of their legendary “Who’s on first?” routine in vaudeville and burlesque stage appearances, on radio, in movies, and on television. It became one of the most famous comedy sketches in history.

It’s a bit involving the escalating verbal confusion created when Lou asks Bud to tell him the names of the players on a baseball team. The humor is fueled by Costello’s increasing frustration as Abbott repeatedly tries to explain that the players’ names are Who, What, I Don’t Know, Why, Because, Tomorrow, Today, I Don’t Care and—in some versions—Nobody.

Comedy historians believe their routine, initially called “The Baseball Skit,” is a descendant of earlier burlesque house skits like “Who Dyed” (about a man named Who).

Over the years, several comedy writers have claimed credit or been credited in obituaries with writing the “Who’s On First?” sketch. But, as noted in an essay posted on the Library of Congress website, hard proof is lacking and it’s really moot point anyway. Abbott and Costello made it their own and made it famous.

In fact, they performed the “Who’s on first?” routine hundreds of during their career and no two versions were exactly alike. There are, however, several versions that are especially well known.

One is their first performance on Kate Smith’s national radio show in March 24, 1938. Another is a short version in their movie One Night in the Tropics, released on November 1, 1940. The third—their longest, most polished rendition—is in the film The Naughty Nineties, released on July 6, 1945.

They also performed “Who’s on First?” on their own radio show and in “The Actor’s Home” episode of their TV show (The Abbott and Costello Show, 1952–1954). That episode (Season 1, Ep. 24) first aired on May 9, 1953.

You’re probably familiar with key lines used in both the short and long versions. In each, the topic of baseball comes up. Abbott mentions a team and Costello asks Abbott to tell him the names of the players.

In The Naughty Nineties it’s a mythical baseball team called the St. Louis Wolves. The early part of the version in that film goes like this…

Abbott: On the St. Louis team, we have Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third.
Costello: That’s what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellas on the St. Louis team.
Abbott: I’m telling you. Who’s on first, What’s on second, I Don’t Know’s on third.
Costello: You don’t know the fella’s name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well then, who’s playing first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean, the fella’s name on first base.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The fella playing first base for St. Louis?
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: Well, what are ya asking me for?
Abbott: I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Who’s on first.

After going back and forth about “Who,” Costello, exasperated, asks: “All I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base?” Abbott calmly replies: “Oh, no, no! What is on second base.” The conversation spirals as Costello becomes increasingly frustrated and confused by what Abbott says are the names of other players—Why in left field, Because in center field, Tomorrow as the pitcher, and Today as the catcher.

Finally, Costello explodes and says he doesn’t care about the players’ names any more. Abbott says: “What was that?” Costello repeats: “I said, I don’t care!” Then Abbott calmly says: “Oh, that’s our shortstop!”

Most of the radio, film, and TV versions of their “Who’s on first?” routine end with or before the shortstop, whose name is usually given as “I Don’t Care” or sometimes as “I Don’t Give a Darn.” In some longer stage performances, Abbott added the ninth position on the baseball team, right field. Here’s how that part goes in those extended versions:

Abbott: The right fielder’s name is Nobody.
Costello: Nobody?
Abbott: That’s right.
Costello: Nobody? Then the guy hits a long fly to right field—who catches it?
Abbott: Nobody!
Costello: Then there’s nobody out there!
Abbott: Sure there is—Nobody!
Costello: I said nobody!
Abbott: That’s what I said—Nobody!

This circular word play became and remains one of the greatest comedy routines in history. In the decades since Abbott & Costello imprinted it into our collective cultural memory, “Who’s on First?” has become a humorous line by itself, used to suggest that some situation is confusing. Their routine has also inspired countless variations and parodies.

The Wikipedia entry for “Who’s on First?” Includes a section titled “Derivatives and references in popular culture.” It includes a long list of takeoffs based on the template created by Abbott & Costello.

One notable parody not mentioned there is a risqué sketch in the January 14, 2001 episode of Saturday Night Live (Season 26, Episode 9), hosted that night by Charlie Sheen. It mocked his former relationship with the infamous “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss in a sketch in which SNL cast member Rachel Dratch played Heidi. Here’s the section with the punch line…

Sheen: Okay, look. Let’s say I want to have an orgy. Who’s doing oral, what’s using her hand, and I don’t know takes it in the kiester. Now, when it’s all over, why comes in to collect the money.
Dratch: That’s the first thing you’ve said right!
Sheen: I don’t even know what I’m talking about! And, you know what? I don’t give a damn!
Dratch: Oh, he’s my crack dealer!

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